Dirty Secrets Revealed
by Topaz Chocobo
Summary: (Rated R due to language and mild sexual content) Cid, Cloud, and Barret get drunk and reveals their dark secrets to each other. This story is sure to make you laugh if not make you wonder about the truth.


_A/N: - _Words of Warning

Another FFVII fan fic by yours truly. So you know what to expect. Also this fic is rated R due to Cid and Barret's language and a somewhat strongly suggested yaoi theme. If you're sensitive to this kind of language or just don't like yaoi then I suggest that you don't read this. Although I try to use as little profanity as I can, none of it is edited out or censored. And I didn't make any of sex scene verbally graphic. Anyway, you have been warned.

_Disclaimer - _You know the deal: I don't own Final Fantasy 7. SquareEnix does. I only own a copy of the game and this story. Constructive criticism is greatly welcomed and flames will be tolerated. Please R&R and enjoy.

_**Dirty Secrets Revealed**_

_By: Topaz Chocobo_

Taking a break from hunting down Sephiroth one day, Barret takes AVALANCHE to the slums in Midgar upon making a visit to see his daughter, Marlene, and Aeris' stepmother, Elmrya again. Soon after their happy little reunion, Cid suggests that they head over to Wall Market.

"Ain't there a tavern over there? I'm so fucking thirsty!!"

"Why don't we just head over to my bar, 7th Heaven, in the Sector 7 Slums?" suggested Tifa.

"First off, it's kinda far. Second, wasn't it crushed when the Sector 7 plate came crashing down on top of it?" Cloud asked her.

"Oh...yea, I guess so..."

"Whatever, this bar's closer anyway," said Barret. "And if you shuddup and come along with us, we'll let you do a little shopping."

"Deal!!" agreed Aeris.

"But Aeris...," started Yuffie, "This is the _Wall Market._ There's nothing fanc--"

"I said D-E-A-L," repeated Aeris.

"..." added Vincent.

"Good. Then let's mosey," said Cloud as he took off before them and led the way through the slums to Wall Market all the while being followed by a group who he 'assumed' was AVALANCHE.

Upon arriving at Wall Market, Cloud (who the gang found later in playground facedown in the sandbox), was dragged the rest of the way due to the fact that he was jumped by muggers, AVALANCHE spilt the money among themselves to allow the girls to go shopping. Tifa and Aeris went straight to the Clothing Store while Yuffie took care of buying the groups supplies. Vincent, on the other hand, decided to check out the Honey Bee Inn.

"Ok boys, its just us now. Let's start drinking!" said Cid excitedly as he dropped Cloud and strolled into the bar. Barret picked up his battered friend and guide him inside.

The bar was already somewhat crowded with people eating, drinking, and playing games such as darts or pool. The atmosphere was hot and humid due to the chef cooking at his stove and most of the ceiling fans not being turned on. It was also very dark, even with the bare light bulb on it seemed dim due to the fact that the windows were board up and the air being thick with black smoke coming from the kitchen and other smoker's cigarettes alike. Cloud's eyes began to burn and water but didn't think much of it as he sat down in a seat beside Cid who was already at the bar ordering drinks.

"Alright, bring on the damn booze! I want to be so tanked up that I'm gonna think that Meteor is falling before the night is over!"

With an unpleasant look on his face, the bartender walked over to Cid with a rag in his hand, wiping the counter along the way.

"What will you have?" he asked while trying to scrub a stubborn strain off of the countertop.

"A cold tall one, in a dirty mug," Cid told him as he fired up a cigarette.

"I'll have the same," replied Barret.

"What about you?" asked the bartender, eyeing Cloud. He had his head down on the counter.

He lifted his head up slowly, brought his gaze meeting that of the bartenders. "I'll have some water, in a clean cup please," he mumbled before bringing his head back down on the counter and adding, "And some Tylenol would be nice too."

The bartender gave Cloud a puzzled look while Cid laughed heartily and patted Cloud rather roughly on his back. "He's only kidding. Damn idiot, always making stupid ass jokes. Bring him a sake, on the rocks," he told him as the bartender nodded and went off to fetch the drinks. When he disappeared Cid turned to Cloud and smacked him in the head.

"OW!! Damn it!! What was that for?! You're not helping my headache," whined Cloud rubbing his sore spiky head.

"What the hell you're trying to do?! Bust up my groove?! You don't order no damn water in no fucking bar!! You can drink water from the sewers of this city. And don't think that drink is free. Oh hell no, you're gonna pay me back since your punkass got robbed," went on Cid.

Cloud rubbed his temples to suppress his growing headache and turn to Barret for help who only looked away, trying hard to stifle his laughs. Realizing that Barret was useless, Cloud sighed and took the drink from the bartender that he had placed before him. The bartender then slide a mug across the counter to Barret who reached out to grab it but instead of catching it, he fired off his gun-arm, sending glass and beer everywhere. The bar went silent and Cloud, as well as the rest on the bar, looked at Barret in horror.

"BARRET!!! WHAT THE HALL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!" Cid shouted furiously.

"Aw damn...Hey, look man, my bad..."

"Damn right your bad!! You just wasted a fucking good beer!!"

"Not to mention that he killed that guy at the other end of the counter..." Cloud added quietly.

"I said I'm sorry. Look, I'll clean it up. I'll even dump the guy out back. Hey, give me that rag," offered Barret as he reached out to grab the rag from the bartender...with his gun-arm.

The bartender went pale. "No, that's quite alright sir. I'll clean it up myself. And I'll take care of the body too, just let me bring you another beer," he stuttered as he hurried off.

"Damn motherfuckers, always making me look bad," mumbled Cid, cussing up a storm as he continued to gulp down his beer and start his second pack of cigarettes.

After approximately twenty minutes later, seven beers each, and another package of cigarettes gone, the bar began to settle down again. The boys were being much more mellow and calmer now. The booze was starting to take effect on its subjects as they were not opening themselves up to each other; telling each other their life stories, dreams, fears, and even some unmentionables. They were really spilling their guts out, so much that even some of the local drinkers were becoming interested and started listening. And then dark secrets start to reveal themselves and unravel from their hiding places.

"Yea, I'll admit it, I'm still a virgin," slurred Cid as he guzzled down his 8th round of beer. "I ain't get with no girl, not even in high school or college when I was still studying to become a pilot. They wasn't to interested in a guy like me no way. After awhile I got desperate and moved in with Shera and told people that we went out and go together. Truth is, I couldn't get any with her either."

Cloud and Barret laughed in the face of their friend and so did a few strangers. So all that big talk about "populating half the world" was nothing but a load of crap. They had no idea that Cid was still a virgin and the fact that he hid it from them so well for so long surprised them. Cid slumped in his chair as his brain try to make heads and tails of the situation that he got himself into. After settling down from laughing Barret spoke next.

"Damn, Cid, you fooled me. Coulda swore you was a playa. Didn't know you was full of bullshit. Damn, I don't know how you could go on for so long without sex. Even I had a little something on the side when I was with Eleanor," stated Barret, matter-of-factly.

Cid drunk the last drop of his beer before belching. "You mean you cheated of her?"

"Yea, I somewhat had an affair on the side," admitted Barret. "It was a few times after missions. I was still with Jess, Wedge, and Biggs at the time. After we completed a mission we'd go out and celebrated. We hung out at bars and clubs and stuff. I was feeling cocky and proud, so I would shoot off my mouth. Some ladies were impress and want to here more so we would go somewhere to talk in private. And usually one thing would lead to another and, well, you know..."

"Barret, you dog," said Cloud, amazed. "You're a married man with a kid. You don't have time to be taking up booty calls." Barret merely shrugged his shoulders.

Cloud peered down at the ice in his mug and sighed. "This place sure does bring back memories. I remember the first time I came here with Aeris. I ended up going into a gym and club owned by gay members and wearing a dress. Ever since I got into cross-dressing. And I'll never forget the night that I slept with Don Corneo in his mansion." At that moment Cid was spitting his beer across the room and Barret started choking off of a piece of ice he was swallowing while someone behind him fell off his stool. Cloud performed the Heimlich on Barret till the ice came flying out of his mouth.

"You should chew your food more slowly..."

"Dude, you're into cross-dressing?" asked Cid, stunned.

"You slept with Don Corneo?!" asked Barret, more shocked than Cid.

"Oh, I didn't tell you about that?" said Cloud as if it was no big deal. "When I came to Wall Market with Aeris it was because we saw Tifa in the back of a chocobo cart. Tifa was head to the Honey Bee Inn. Well, when we got there she was already sent over to Don's mansion. We needed to get inside but he had a policy of 'girls only.' So, for me to sneak in I had to dress as a woman. I admit, it was kinda fun, but it was mainly Aeris' idea."

Barret and Cid stared at him as he calmly smiled at them. Finally, Cid just simply shook his head. "Look, man, what you do in your own free time is your business."

Barret nodded in agreement then turned back to Cloud. "You slept with Don Corneo?" he asked again.

"Well, yea," Cloud told him.

"Dude, don't act like it a good thing!!"

"But he was good..."

"I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THAT!!"

"Sorry..."

"At least tell me he only slept with you cause he though you was a girl."

"Yeah, of course he did."

"And you didn't stop him before it reached that point?"

"Uh, no. I was playing out my part as a girl so he wouldn't get suspicious. But then he started to undress me..."

"Ok. I'm almost afraid to ask, but then what?"

"Then I was undress. Completely. But he kept going."

"He didn't stop?!"

"He stopped and looked but he kept going."

"Didn't he notice that...?"

"Yeah he noticed because then he--"

"DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT, CLOUD!!"

"Oh, right! Ok, sorry..."

"But this IS the same Don Corneo who tried to, sorry, _succeed_, in crushing Sector 7 Slum right?" chimed in Cid after listening enough to Cloud's nonsense. He was just sober enough to light another cigarette.

"Yea, so?"

"Man, are you listening to yourself? Did this guy brainwashed or raped you?"

"I let him do both."

"..."

"What?"

"Nothing..."

Cloud stood up from his seat and stretched. "Thanks for the drinks, you guys, but I gotta run."

"Where are you going all of a sudden?" asked Barret curiously.

"I gotta go check something out. Call me on the PHS when y'all are ready to go," Cloud answered him as he scampered out the door.

Barret shrugged then turn back around in his seat as Cid twirled a straw in his drink and exhaled a breath of smoke. "You know," began Cid, "Maybe I should find myself a boyfriend. What do you think?"

"I think you need another drink," said Barret as he called the bartender over to them.

Cloud decided that the first place he would revisit was the Clothing Store. He wanted to stroll down 'Memory Lane' the same way he did his first trip to Wall Market. And he figured he'd pick up a little something for himself as well. Luckily, he didn't run into Tifa and Aeris in there.

"Hey, it's you again!!" greeted the store owner. She clearly remembered who Cloud was from his last visit. He had helped get her father out of the gutter and motivated to make dresses again. "It seems like everyone is coming back for a dress today. You're friend was in here just a few moments ago."

"Who? Aeris?" Cloud asked, eyeing the rack of dresses in the corner of the room. He was scanning through them with his mako blue eyes distinctively picking one the ones that he was considering to try on.

"Yeah, that's the one. She had a new friend with her as well. I figured she'd only bring you to our store," joked the owner as she walked over to the rack and hung more dresses on it.

Cloud walked over to her side and pulled out a particular dress she had just placed on the rack. The dress was a powdered blue color and it felt soft and silky. It was long and slender with long sleeves and was split on right side up to the calve of the leg. Cloud stroke the material as the store owner watched him with a grin on her face.

"Oh, so you like that one, huh? That's one of my father's masterpieces. I wonder if there's one in the back that's your size," said the owner, giggling.

"Can you go check for me?"

The girl suddenly stopped laughing and just stared at him. "Huh? What?"

"Can you go see if you got a dress like this in my size?"

"Uh...sure, why not."

A few minutes later Cloud came out of the store in his new wardrobe. They didn't have the dress in Cloud's size so the girl's father made him one. He even threw in a pair of heels to match. Cloud even put on the wig, cologne, tiara, and undergarment he wore with his last outfit. But something was still missing. Makeup, he though. He would have to go to the Honey Bee Inn and allow them to apply some to his face. He was just afraid that someone would recognize him without the makeup. So after much though, he shrugged then walked off gracefully towards the inn.

Vincent waited patiently as the young woman applied makeup to him. She took out a small brush and pressed powder on his face. He let out a small sneeze when she was finished.

"I don't know why you would want to put makeup on. You already have a lovely skin complexion without looking so pale. Are you sure you want this on you?"

Vincent simply nodded and bow to thank her. She shrugged then turned around in her seat at her desk and began to apply makeup to herself as she looked at her huge dressing room mirror. Vincent strolled away and stood in a corner to watch them. He didn't feel quite ready to leave let even though some of the girls though that he had well overstayed his welcome. Some of the girls didn't mind his presences, in fact they though that he was rather handsome in a strange and mysterious way, even with the makeup on. Other were simply scared to death of him and avoid all unnecessary contact with him. But not many of them talked to him because seeing a man with a membership card to their inn only meant one thing. But Vincent didn't pay anymore mind to them as they did to him. He just ignored them.

At that moment the door to the dressing room flew open and who had entered the room was a rather tall and well-built woman of about twenty. Vincent noticed that she had golden blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes and was wearing a sky blue colored dress that went down to her ankles. And even though she didn't have much of a figure she was still very beautiful to him. But something told Vincent that he somehow saw her before. Something about her face seemed familiar. Especially her eyes. He stared at her as she walked up to the same woman that he was speaking to before and watch her as she applied makeup to her face as well. He realized that she looked even more lovely than before now that she makeup on. Then what happened next almost made Vincent's heart skip a beat. The young lady looked up at Vincent and _smiled_ at him. If anyone could notice that Vincent was blushing at that time they wouldn't be able to tell because of the makeup. And soon the young lady left the room as elegantly and quickly as she had entered it.

Vincent blinked. He was unsure of what had happened just now. But a driving force was telling him that he should go after that woman. Why did he feel that he somehow knew her? Before Vincent even realized that he had started walking, he was already halfway out the inn and following after the mysterious woman.

Now in his full disguise, Cloud knocked on the door of Don Corneo's mansion. The door swung open and a sleazy man in a business suit stood in the doorway. He looked Cloud up and down then smirked.

"You hear to see Don?" he asked somewhat curiously.

Cloud nodded.

"Well, he's not here," he told Cloud, "He's away on business in Wutai. But you can still make yourself at home," he said as he took hold of Cloud's hand and began to pull him inside.

Cloud shook him off then cautiously took a step back. He shook his head.

"What's the matter, baby? I'm not good enough for ya?" he asked with a evil grin on his face as he wrapped his arm around Cloud's waist and started to lead him inside.

"I don't think you are," said a voice from behind them. They spun around and saw a dark figure off to the side leaning against another building. The dark cloaked man casually pushed himself off the building and approached them. Cloud noticed from the man's gold claw and huge gun holster on his hip that it was Vincent and prayed that he didn't realized who he was.

"W-who the hell are you? Why don't you go mind your own damn business?!" stuttered the sleazy man as he clenched onto Cloud tighter. Cloud tried to break himself free from his grip.

"This _is _my business," said Vincent in a cold tone as he grabbed the man's neck with his claw when he got close enough. The sleazy man let go of Cloud and desperately try to loosen Vincent's grip on his neck but to no avail. Vincent started to squeeze tighter, cutting off precious air as it tries to go down his throat. "In the future, we'll treat women with more respect, won't we?" asked Vincent as he bought the man's face closer to his. All the man could do was blink before Vincent threw him back into the mansion and have the door closed after him. A few seconds later there was a faint click that notify them that the man had locked the door. Then Vincent turned his attention to the woman before him. "Are you ok?" he asked her.

Cloud blushed the looked away. "Yes, I'm alright. Thank you," he said, not even realizing that he was disguising his voice.

"Good, I'm glad. You should steer clear of people like him. As well as places like this. I don't understand why a beautifully woman like yourself would want to come to a place like this..." said Vincent, trailing off as he look up at the mansion then back at Cloud.

Cloud was blushing furiously now. He was unsure of himself about why he had come to the mansion to the first place. Finally after a minute or two of silence he finally brought himself to look at Vincent, who was smiling warmly at him.

"Come with me, I'll take you back to the inn," Vincent said calmly as he offered his hand to Cloud. Cloud nodded then simply smiled back as he took hold of his hand.

Vincent led Cloud all the way back to Honey Bee Inn and stop just outside the door. Before Vincent could go inside Cloud stops him.

"Wait," says Cloud, still disguising his voice, as he steps back from the door.

"What's wrong?" asked Vincent with a concerned look on his face.

"I...I don't want to come here."

"No? Well then, where would you like to go?"

Cloud paused a bit before responding. "To the other inn."

"The other inn. Why?"

Cloud didn't answer. He only smiled and hoped Vincent caught on. Vincent slowly walked down from the steps of the building and stood before him.

"Are...you sure?" he asked cautiously wanting to make absolutely sure that this was what she really wanted.

Cloud nodded.

"Alright then," he said in a low voice as he pulled Cloud closer to him, embracing him in his grasp. "Let's go." And he led him by the hand back toward the other inn.

_Author's Note:_

And we all know what happens next. Sorry if everyone was OOC. They had to be for the purpose of this story. Aw, I just feel sorry for poor Vinnie. I wonder what he would think about his little date after he finds out he she really is. Well, if you like this little story let me know. Maybe I'll write more just like it. Please R&R and let me know. T.C.


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